Taking apart my parents home has been overwhelming to say the least. All the issues with sharing items between the three of us has been huge. After the sharing part was done then there is the selling of the items that had value or no one wanted.
The decision making process is fraught with “This was my mothers when she was a baby” or”This was mine I remember that” or “Oh this is so beautiful I love it”. If I could do the Kon Mari method of purging I would have only what I love. but alas, I am not Japanese and my ability to be disciplined is limited.
The memories are important to me. One of the last things my father said to me, as he looked over my shoulder at family pictures, “We were a happy family once”. I said “Yes dad we were very happy”. Those items and photos that let us know that we have a heritage that we had happier times are important to keep. They have meaning and relevance to who we have been , and who we are as a member of this group, called a family.
If I have words of advise, it is to stay at the sorting for as long as you can, 3-4 hours a day seemed to be about right. Then once you have done this multiple days , take a break.Come back to it with fresh eyes. You are dismantling your families life piece by piece. There is no easy way, just be gentle. My final, this helped me tip, my mantra has been “You get what you get and don’t throw a fit” This was taught to me and my son by his kindergarten teacher. Wise words to live by!
With love and peace,
All of us on Beech Hill
Life is about change. I do not like change. That does not mean that it is not going to happen. Change happens, when I suspect it the least.
Recently our dog Bailey was killed. Before that tragedy was my parents dying 12 days apart in the Fall. These are huge changes in our family structure. How do we deal with such giant gaps in our family unit?
I know for myself, the detester of change, this has been a tremendous adjustment. No more Bailey and his darling little tail, great positive attitude and being an athlete.
My parents, the things I miss about them is endless. My dad’s positive attitude, caring ways and humor. My mom, I miss her bright spark and her intelligence. Now there is no person to ask those family history questions.
I feel as if I have been pruned heavily, I am in the process of recovering from the severe pruning. Hopefully the new growth will be stronger and with bright beautiful blooms.
This is what we saw this morning at breakfast, here at Beech Hill.
My husband, born on an Ohio dairy farm, quickly rounded them up. Found the neighbors pasture they came out of and with his help got them back in their pasture. This is some of the excitement that we have from time to time.
Our dog Corry thought that he would be big and brave and help round up the cows. His bravery was short lived when the cows chased him.
Great morning at Beech Hill
These last few months has been focused on finalizing the details of my parents estate. This includes all of the have-to’s. Have to arrange the funeral services, clean out the house, sell the house , rent storage units The list goes on. There is not one of these things that “I get to do” They are all things I would love to have go away and have my parents back. That is not what I get to do. I have to keep soldiering on finishing the details of lives well lived and a love affair that lasted 65 years and 11 months.
My parents were part of “The great generation”. One of the attributes of that generation was, stand by your mate through thick and thin. Most of their friends did the same.
I am proud to be a descendant of “The great generation”. When we were in the De Gaul airport Paris, two years ago, it was the 70th anniversary of “D” day. There were approximately ten WW II vets next to us in line for check-in. All of the sudden people of all nationalities started to clap Oh my goodness, my heart still swells with the love and admiration for these wonderful men.It was a moving experience. Truly one of life’s gifts. I was so proud to have been raised by a fellow service man from the “Great Generation”
Sometimes this list of items feels overwhelming I know at some point this phase will be over Then I will go into another phase of grieving that will (hopefully) not be so demanding. I also know how my parents would handle the situation. That would be to do the next indicated thing with no complaints.
These are uncharted waters, that are blessed with the memories of my parents. My father always said “lead by example”. So Dad I follow your lead, do the next indicated thing on the list and no complaints.
Thank you mom and dad for leading by example
May god be with you,