Yep, one whole year since my mom died and my dad died 12 days later. One year of sadness. the family that once was, is no longer. Groping to find common ground with siblings who have no interest. Then there is the stuff. The stuff that has sentimental meaning, the stuff that has monetary value and the stuff that needs to be thrown out or given to Goodwill.
Signing of papers,and saying goodbye to lives lived well. Tremendous loss. My loss was on the horizon, late eighties is a good life. I prepared myself, if one can..but there are the unexpected issues, tensions that arise. Maybe they will heal maybe they won’t..Who knows, all I know is that my parents are gone, they are on their next journey together. Smiling happy and living the happy life they once had here on earth.
Taking apart my parents home has been overwhelming to say the least. All the issues with sharing items between the three of us has been huge. After the sharing part was done then there is the selling of the items that had value or no one wanted.
The decision making process is fraught with “This was my mothers when she was a baby” or”This was mine I remember that” or “Oh this is so beautiful I love it”. If I could do the Kon Mari method of purging I would have only what I love. but alas, I am not Japanese and my ability to be disciplined is limited.
The memories are important to me. One of the last things my father said to me, as he looked over my shoulder at family pictures, “We were a happy family once”. I said “Yes dad we were very happy”. Those items and photos that let us know that we have a heritage that we had happier times are important to keep. They have meaning and relevance to who we have been , and who we are as a member of this group, called a family.
If I have words of advise, it is to stay at the sorting for as long as you can, 3-4 hours a day seemed to be about right. Then once you have done this multiple days , take a break.Come back to it with fresh eyes. You are dismantling your families life piece by piece. There is no easy way, just be gentle. My final, this helped me tip, my mantra has been “You get what you get and don’t throw a fit” This was taught to me and my son by his kindergarten teacher. Wise words to live by!
With love and peace,
All of us on Beech Hill